Being a guy
by Mag00
Summary: Vinnie, Russell, Sunil. School AU. Just a short one.


First of all - I know, my English sucks. Sorry for it. But still I'll be very pleased of every correction.

Well, the ask is - why I'm publishing story in English if I can't write in English anything good? Well, when I've searched some fanfictions from our canon, everything which I see was a ship (ESPECIALLY when I searched school AU!). I want to make fandom see that there's more than ships, ships and ships. For example there's a fantastic friendship. I wanted to write about it. No undertones, no romances, no stating feelings. Just three boys and a bit angst. And it's really short text.

Sorry for I can't write it better. I think this story is much better in my language because in my language it's… well, well-formed. But there's no LPS fandom in my country. So… well. I tried. Just tried.

* * *

'Could you explain me how this happen? You're in my house before me all the time', Vinnie laughed and based his arm on the jamb.

Russell was sitting on the sofa with arms folded across his chest; with second sofa's corner was Sunil. His fingers were tapping on his knee. First of them was looking straight on Vinnie and frowning with something like irritation. Second one avoid Vinnie's eyes clearly, looking at the wall all the time.

Vinnie perceived that something isn't good.

A moment later he actually knew what, because Russell didn't bead around the bush. Never did.

'A cocaine, yeah?'

Vinnie was trying to smiling still, but the smile disappeared fast.

Sunil looked at him and said quietly:

'It was stupid. What did you think, when we get a hanging?'

Vinnie opened his mouth and closed them.

Russell was pursing his lipse, looking on Vinnie with eyes full of not irritation yet, but anger. Big, huge anger. Vinnie was able to guess that Russell don't expostulate just because of some consultation with Sunil earlier.

He breathed and managed to smile slowly.

'Hey! Why do you looking at me like that?', he asked, entering the room and stopped the impulse to close door. He want to have got impression that door are open, that there is way of escape. He putted hands into pockets. 'I'm not a dumbass, I know what I'm doing. I've never overacted. And it's just… time to time…'

Russell said something under his breath and looked somewhere on the wall. Then he added louder:

'Sit down.'

Vinnie felt bad. Russell started to adopt THIS position; position like he wanted to replace Terrio's family, which never have particularly cared about Vinnie (he don't feel really bad with it). Perspective of dad-son's talk with Russell didn't sound to Vinnie good.

He glanced over his shoulder at open door.

'Vinnie', Russell growled.

Vinnie sighed. He moved with a slow pace towards the chair. He felt uptight, his legs directly wanted to loosen him by moving; he don't want to sitting down.

'Sit down here', Sunil said.

Vinnie looked at them half-heartedly. Between them, in the midst of sofa, was free seatting area, but he wasn't really sure that he wants to sit there. Between full of sadness and disappoint Sunil and furious fury Russell, who apparently must to arranged the words in his head before he said them, because he didn't want to let rip.

'Vinnie', this time Sunil said it. His words were benign, peaceful, but with sharper sound.

Vinnie sat down between them.

He didn't know what he's more – angry or distraught. He was really good in acting since competition's time. Everything were resulting brilliant. 'Everything's fine, Russell'. 'Why should I worry about happening like that, Sunil? It can't be helped, it's not the end of dancing!'.

But it was so simple, landed on melange with cocaine. So simple to try once.

And so hard to break off then.

They both keep quiet for a while. Vinnie cast his eyes down. He didn't want they two there. They should get out.

'Hey', he tried to explain at last, loud and clearly. 'I do it time to time, don't I? And something serious never come about to me'. He smiled, even his mood was more to pain's convulsions. 'Everything's cool.'

'Of course', Russell said with his voice raised. A moment later he closed eyes, sighed and appended more peaceful, looking at Vinnie really sharp: 'As cool as now was after these action with competition, yeah?'

Sunil caught Vinnie's elbow.

'It's our fault, too', he said quietly. 'We should have known earlier that something isn't right.'

Russell muttered something with irritation and appended:

'Yes, our too.' He was silent for a while. 'But it don't change fact that I don't understand how could you do such a thing like that, Vinnie. How?'

Vinnie felt that his hands were shaking. He clasped his hands to stop it but it didn't work. He was shivering and feeling more embattled than ever before.

Russell spotted it.

'Hey, keep calm'. His voice teetered on anger's line, but he tried to being nice and peaceful. 'We won't to do anything you. We're just talking.'

Sunil bowed to see Vinnie's face better.

'Do you hear what Russell says? We're talking', he muttered softly. 'Vinnie.'

Vinnie caught his breath.

'Listen' he said. His voice, when he was saying, didn't shake very much, but didn't sound as sure as Vinnie wanted. 'It's not a rite. It's just cool wackiness for a bit. Then wore off and it's normal again, and…'

'Vinnie', Russell interrupted him, 'it's sick.'

Vinnie was shaking.

'You have no understanding of it', he muttered quieter.

'Oh, not at all, we're both understand everything', Russell hissed. He was still fighting with anger. They were must have talking a lot about it before, he and Sunil. 'You have no understanding of it, Vinnie. You don't understand that you shattered yourself, that you could kill yourself because of it, you don't understand how bloody we're concerning of you. Furthermore you're afraid of us!'. The last words Russell nearly exclaimed. 'Of me and Sunil. Seriously?'

Guys didn't cry.

Vinnie was a guy.

That's why he tried to curbed tears at all costs. God, thought on that this situation can occurred have scared him since he started. Every day he promised himself that it will be last time. That then he consign it to oblivion, and he'll tell them about it few year later, at least. And that they'll laughing of it together.

Every day, day in day out, he was resolving that this day will be final. This and never again.

And at it again. And again.

'I'm' he spoke up finally 'not afraid of you.'

Russell opened his mouth, but Sunil stole him thunder:

'That's well because you shouldn't.'

Silent again.

'We're repeating you', Russell spoke up finally. 'We're repeating you all the time. Who the hell you want to be? Guy, yeah? So diss it and let's be a chicken for once, Vinnie. If being a guy make you like that, it'll…'. Russell clamed up. Maybe he didn't know what he'll say on, maybe he quieted. His statement have changed into exaggerated sigh. Vinnie caught a whiff Russell's hand on his back. 'It'll be hard now.'

'What?', Vinnie asked.

'Break with it', Sunil answered. He didn't say too much, but his eyes were expressing everything. Anger, disappointment, compassion and something more.

Vinnie wasn't good in understanding feelings. He didn't think what more.

'You should do it by dosages', Russell said. 'You'll take less and less and finally nothing. But, you see… it won't fix your psyche, Vinnie.'

Those words were direct hit.

'What psyche?', Vinnie asked, trying to smile. It come off feebly, because tears sprang into his eyes and he cried. He gritted his teeth and dried up tears with smart move. 'Everything's fine with my psyche. Cool. Farther I'm saying you all the time that I love my life.'

'Won't be easier to just tell us about it, will be?', Sunil asked quietly. Vinnie looked at him with astonishment and he saw the smile. Faint, weak, but in some fantastic way comforting smile. 'I say you always when I'm fed up with something.'

'Yeah', Russell said and unclear was just which thing to applied to this 'yeah'.

Vinnie wasn't really sure. He didn't think about it. Russell's hand was being on his back still.

He hadn't cried for a long time. After this action with dance he was too bound up in acting that everything's fine. He hadn't got time to crying. Then he toke cocaine up.

He won't planned to crying, surely not by someone's side and for a hundred percent not in front of people whose probably will spend a lot of days with him in a future. And from now they won't looked at him in the same way as in past. They'll always see in him their stupid classmate who've destroyed dance on stage and from this reason started to use cocaine.

He was angry that he was crying and he was nervously drying up tears by sleeve.

When he started to fail being a guy too much like that?


End file.
